something small

it is never anything big, love lies in details, in understanding random little emotions, tiny gestures that can bring about a smile in the worst time...it is never reasonable the small lump sitting in your throat, impossible to swallow, waiting to burst out into tears...I am thinking about what could have happen, wondering whether it was supposed to happen, wondering what would have happened if it had happened...I thought about you in that one moment when I thought I could have died, remembering very well the smell on your body, the feel of your hair in my hand when I hold you in my arms, regretting that I did not go with you to the gas station before you left...sitting in the car, unable to stand up I wonder how you would tell my parents about it, who you would ask to call them...your voice suddenly seems so real on the phone, and I could feel your breath on my neck, holding on to the phone, imagining that you are very near...for a moment it seems not enough...10 minutes, half an hour, and hour and a half...not enough to loose the feeling that I am loosing you to a force unknown...there would have been nothing I could have done if this was meant to be so I cling on to you as if it was the last thing I am ever going to do, every time we hang up the phone you are slipping away into nothingness...I am afraid to go to sleep tonight.